Tacky Royal Wedding Paraphernalia

A line that I’ve always thought to be funny and true from The Nanny is when Fran says to Mr. Sheffield’s (English) mother, “The royal wedding pictures look like Mama’s Family!”  To suit my readers’ penchant for tackiness, I’ve assembled some of the tackiest paraphernalia surrounding the upcoming nuptials of Prince William and Kate Middleton.

Mama's Family and a Royal Wedding (Diana)
I know when I cook crack cocaine I want the future King and/or Queen of Britain staring back at me:

Prince William Kate Middleton Spoons
What do I need to buy at the grocery (beside baking soda for my crack)?  Why, I’ll just make a note of it in my Wills and Kate notepad:

Prince William Kate Middleton Notepad
And I’ll use one of these keychains for the special key to the special cupboard (where I hide my drug stuff):

Prince William Kate Middleton Keychain
These girls are some of my clients, and after a 24 hour bender they thought it would be a good idea to dress as Kate Middleton on the day that the engagement was announced (ring and all).  Crack is whack:
Prince William Kate Middleton Impersonators Engagement Ring Dress
Oh, let’s not forget to pay for the crack with a coin featuring Wills and Kate.  Wait, am I high or do those faces look nothing like William and Kate?

Prince William Kate Middleton Commemorative Coin
And finally, the pièce de résistance–royal condoms!

Prince William Kate Middleton Condoms RoyalJust lie back and think of England.  That’s the spirit.  Just 86 more days until the big wedding!  All 86 days full of wall-to-wall crack cocaine!  Cough, cough.  Stay tuned and take it sleazy.

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3 Responses to Tacky Royal Wedding Paraphernalia

  1. Sir Terrence Sherwood says:

    I simply must have the commemorative Royal Condoms. Can you, pray tell, advise me as to where one might make a purchase of said item, old man?

  2. Charlotte says:

    And my friends and I are planning the tackiest possible party to watch the nuptials…

    Have fun y’all

  3. Pingback: What I learned from watching the Royal Wedding – My Top Ten « End The Hiatus Now

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