Are You Eating Butter?

I remember a television commercial that aired when I was in high school in which a teenager was caught by his dad eating a stick of butter in front of an open refrigerator.  The dad delivers the best line possible, “Are you eating butter?”  After searching high and low, I cannot find the commercial online (but have been able to confirm here and here that I did not imagine it).  Anyway, I’ve got butter on the brain.  ENJOY!

A literal butter-fly:

Too lazy to slice your own butter?  Have I got the product for you!

Don’t blame that weird kid in kindergarten who eats glue–his parents use this:

Rose Nylund wasn’t really exaggerating; every year Minnesota crowns a Dairy Princess who then sits to have a sculpture made in her likeness . . . FROM BUTTER:

And if that’s not enough of a prize, the actual title for the Dairy Princess is Princess Kay of the Milky Way:

AND!  It gets better.  A few years ago when Fred Thompson (of Law and Order fame) was running for some political office or other, he decided it would be a good idea to visit the Minnesota State Fair.  Here he is watching the Dairy Princess (Kay of the Milky Way) being sculpted:

There you go folks.  You just can’t get more buttery goodness than that!  Stay tuned and take it sleazy.

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Christmas Porn (PG-13)

In my quest to hate Christmas a little less, I came across some really hot stuff.  Namely, Christmas porn.  Don’t worry if you’re squeamish about the perfectly innocent act of two consulting adults making love . . . this is strictly PG-13.  Get ready for a hot Christmas!

Deer on deer and deer on polar bear–that’s how it was at the birth of Jesus:

I’ve never been so attracted to a snowman before….

Somebody has a fetish!

I am so hungry now:

Ditto:

Never mind, I’ve lost my appetite:

Merry Christmas and all that rot.  Stay tuned and take it sleazy.

Posted in December Laughter | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

More Entertaining (and Creepy) Christmas Decorations

Today we continue on in the theme of funny/scary Christmas decorations, but this post takes us inside the homes of those funny/scary people obsessed with Christmas decorations.  Warning:  You may want to keep small children from viewing these photos as they are quite disturbing.  Unless you want your child to be one of those people.  Then, by all means, ruin them.  RUIN THEM.  Ahem, on with the show.

Yay, let’s take a dump in Santa Claus’s face!

This is what they use in Appalachia instead of a spruce tree:

Confused about which holiday tradition to follow?  Throw a tree in your house and slap this puppy on it!

This is 100% FOR SALE–if you want to believe Santa Claus was present for the birth of Jesus:

If your entire life revolves around December 25th it’s time to get a new hobby.  Seriously:

You would be laughing except you know this person.  Maybe not this exact person, but someone who loves Christmas decorations too freaking much.  Perhaps even Biblically:

Well, I think I might get arrested if I show you any more deranged Christmas decoration photos.  Nonetheless, we can laugh at the creepiness.  Can’t we?  Oh boy.  Stay tuned and take it sleazy.

Posted in December Laughter | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

‘Tis the Season for Crazy Christmas Lights

It was pointed out to me recently that ’tis the season . . . to get ridiculously carried away with Christmas decorations.  Decorating the great outdoors with Christmas lights is one of the best ways to weird people out since the people who take it seriously are clearly compensating for some character flaw.  Yeah, you know the type of person I’m talking about.  Ahem.  On with the show. . . .

Nice use of humor to diffuse an awkward situation:

Small penis?

A White (and Nerdy) Christmas:

I get it, but is this in any way necessary? Doesn’t exactly scream, “Yay baby Jesus!”

Deer Hunter's Christmas Lights“Between my disability checks and the settlement from my car wreck I can afford a double wide AND a truck load of Christmas lights!”

Even alcoholics like to decorate for Christmas:

Hope you enjoyed this strange stroll through interesting Christmas lights.  Stay tuned and take it sleazy.

Posted in December Laughter | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Laser Kim Jong-il (Breaking News)

The excellent journalists employed by the Colonial Footsoldier have unearthed a momentous discovery:  Kim Jong-il, Supreme Leader of North Korea, has laser eyesight. Through months of crack undercover reporting by yours truly the Colonial Footsoldier can now present you with photographic proof of this astonishing revelation.

Here is the Supreme Leader making popcorn for the gang:

“Does this light switch turn out the lights in the bedroom?”

Kim Jong-il practices his laser hair removal skills:

“Just testing you, son.”

“Take that obscure South Korean fishing island!”

If the reporting staff here at the Footsoldier can manage to sneak any more of these must-see photos out from behind enemy lines WE WILL!  Stay tuned and take it sleazy.

Posted in December Laughter | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment